About a decade ago, when I was undergoing a series of surgeries that saved my life but also left me broken, I was struck that several people reached out to me -- people with whom I thought I had burnt bridges, people I didn't expect or have any right to expect to show me kindness -- to express well-wishes and a speedy recovery for me.
I received a lot of grace, in other words.
Grace isn't something you earn or deserve, as a recipient. But it is wonderful to receive, and it can relieve the burden of hurt feelings and wrongdoings left unrighted.
I mention this because I ran into an old friend on the river trail today -- somebody whose entrance into my life a few decades ago caused a lot of anguish for people I deeply cared about. And I realized that, as the recipient of grace, I also needed to try and give it.
There's a quasi-spiritual dimension to all of this, I realize, that not everybody will buy into. I recognize that my understanding of all this is probably shaped by my Christian upbringing. What's more, I'm not in a position to expect anybody to show grace to others, especially when they've been wronged. All I know is that receiving grace humbled me. And for me, the proper response to that is to pay it forward.
Tuesday, November 17, 2020
A note about grace
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2 comments:
I've never understood grace. I still don't think I understand it. I had to look up the meaning, again, and the notion that someone deserves or doesn't deserve a good word or kindness or love is beyond me. Does not everyone deserve my kindness without any action or thought on their behalf, or in spite of their actions or thoughts?
I guess I don't understand why this isn't a universal habit. I'm not a church-goer or religious in any way, and it seems, well, obvious.
I'm glad someone has shown you kindness and that you do the same for others. That it merits note is unfortunate, IMO.
You may be a naturally better person than I am, Andrew!
I think some confusion here may be the result of my vagueness here -- I don't wish to rehash the burnt bridges I caused, nor the conflicts that my friend expressed regret about.
I do think, societally, we're at a point -- and maybe we're always at that point -- where the idea "kindness ... in spite of their actions or thoughts" isn't really the starting point for a lot of folks, and really isn't the starting point for the most vocal folks. So the kindness that comes naturally to you, and that I have to remind myself to offer, is something a lot of people affirmatively refuse to practice.
Again: I can't tell other people how to live with their own hurts. I just know what works for me.
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