"The rent is too damn high.
That's what I was thinking when the five guys jumped me as I was walking down a street in Brooklyn at two in the morning. At least, that's probably what I was thinking, since that's what I'm thinking most of the time.
I didn't see them, obviously. I don't have Spidey sense; I don't have peripheral vision. I'm a 10th degree black belt in karate, but, in the real world, there is no 'crouching tiger'. There's a car, exhaust steaming out like dragon's breath. I was pushed through an open door."
I don't believe this is a parody.